We all have a friend or friends that we believe are smart, funny, and fabulous but s/he has been living in a state of pure misery agonizing over their relationship. They’re losing sleep and beginning to let go of their own desires in order to hold onto Mrs./Mr. Right. Working overtime in “relationship-land” and abandoning their good sense and self-love!
“Relationships are work”. This is a statement many of us have said or heard over the course of our dating lives—most of the time we say this as a way to justify why we are hanging on to someone that has long since stopped hanging on to us. Sure, for the most part it’s true, relationships are work. Any good/healthy relationship takes a certain amount of effort and compromise in order for it to run smoothly.
However, when your relationship turns from work into your full-time job, it’s time for you to reassess.
A “relationship- job” is one that sucks every bit of energy out of you. Instead of being able to spread your love and light around to friends, family, and your “real” job, you expend everything you have on the success of your relationship. We tell ourselves that because something in our partnership isn’t working that it is OUR job to fix it. Except, if you are the only one willing to roll up your sleeves and get to work fixing the issues that are weighing you Both down, then that’s a sure sign that your relationship has moved into the job zone.
When your sleeves are rolled up and you look to your left and your right and find yourself standing knee deep in “love muck” ALONE… It’s time to ask yourself that hard question “why am I the only one willing to do the dirty work”? If you find your answers beginning with phrases like “because I just love her/him so much”, “because s/he isn’t really into talking about their feelings”, or the ultimate truth “I am afraid to let go” you have officially reached the “limitless zone”.
Yes, we all know that Mary sang “Love without a Limit”, but sometimes we need to know when it’s time to let go. Deep inside us we all have a breaking point…when we have given all that we can give. We have played “perfect girl/boy” long enough and have not reaped the benefits that such laborious work should provide. In a relationship whether intimate or familial you need to know when you have reached your line in the sand… When you are the one calling for the umpteenth “talk” and tying yourself in knots for someone who isn’t doing the same, it’s time to stop, in the name of self-love and self- preservation. Real love shouldn’t be so exhausting or time consuming. It should provide you with strength when you are weary and lift you up when you feel low. No one should have to check a calendar to jog their memory of the last time a smile crossed their face and their S.O. made them feel warm and fuzzy.
If you find yourself in a love ditch right now, wading in the muck looking for the light…it’s time to look within and ask yourself “how far am I willing to go?” “How much more do I have to give?” and if your S.O. isn’t asking themselves the same questions or have their digging boots on next to you in that ditch… Well, then maybe it’s time to quit your “relationship-job” and look for a new place of employment where your energy and genuine fabulosity is appreciated!
Check out Mary J for some inspiration after the jump!