Since the beginning of our existence we are tethered to someone else. We stay there—snuggled up in the womb clinging to our mothers/caregivers for the nourishment we need in order to make that glorious nine month journey into the arms of our loved ones.
As we get older we create all kinds of “ties” over the years…but sometimes these ties become less and less nourishing, remaining more out of habit than happiness. We all have that friend or family member who has been married or “tied down” for a bazillion years to a person who treats them worse than a cast member of the Bad Girls Club (those girls are just nasty). Every time they’re mistreated we cringe and internalize their predicament like it’s our own.
I know I am not the only to have lost considerable beauty sleep (I’m at the age where rest is must) over my loved ones and their inability to break the cycle of abuse.
As we know all too well, you don’t need a visible scar to know when pain has been inflicted!
However, what I am starting to realize is that taking on someone else’s pain does not alleviate it…it just increases yours. I know that we all want to be saviors…we want to impart wisdom and help our friends and families live their best lives possible. When they fall we want to pick them up, when they’re hungry (emotionally or physically) we want to nourish them. But, with all this “saving and preaching” that you find yourself doing….is anyone changing on the other end? Or are you just speaking to a wall?
If it took them 20+ years to get into this dilemma just think about how long it will take them to get out of it. Unless you plan on quitting your job, foregoing your own sanity, and tethering yourself to them full time, chances are you will only end up tying yourself into knots!
Sometimes we need to realize that it’s time to let go and untie ourselves.
You didn’t stand at the alter and commit yourself to their ball and chain…they did! You didn’t spend all their money and force them into financial hardship…they did. You didn’t fire them from their latest job etc., etc.
Every day when we open our eyes our day unfolds to a plethora of choices. Should I get up when the alarm sounds or stay in bed? Should I eat breakfast? Should I go to work? Or sometimes the choices are more serious…Should I stay in this relationship/job/marriage/misery or should I go?
There is no amount of sleep or money you can contribute to make someone else happy…because at the end of the day, if they can’t learn to make themselves happy than nothing you can contribute will be sustainable. The choices they make when they open their eyes are their’s alone, not yours to fret over.
Hopefully, by living your own life with gratitude, dignity, and peace you can model how to live light and attain happiness. But know that you cannot “save” them. That is not your responsibility, and trying to do so will just leave you restLESS and in emotional shackles.
So today, let go and hope that they will be inspired to do the same!
Music Inspiration after the jump…