A few days ago I found myself at happy hour (pause for shock) with a few friends and the ladies were chatting about their relationships. The clichés are true…more times than not when you get a group of women together gay or straight…the convo will eventually turn to issues of the heart.
Finding love is hard and according to some of my peeps, searching for the “One” on internet match sites can be damn near a full time job! From managing the winks, notes, and cyber dates…you may need to hire a personal assistant to weed through all the clutter so you can actually make it to a real life date. After all the work that you put into finding Mrs/Mr “Right” it’s no wonder that plenty of us hold onto them way past the relationships expiration date. But here’s the thing…if you have heard yourself utter the term “red flag” more than once when discussing your new love bunny’s behavior then chances are it’s time to evaluate why you are still hanging on.
Yes, I know what you are thinking…“relationships are work”, and you’re right they are but if you take a glance to your left and right and realize that you are the only one working…it’s time to take a break!
Anything worth having doesn’t come easy, but there comes a time in every relationship when you have to look deep inside and ask yourself “why am I holding on so tight?” and if love isn’t the first thing that pops into your mind— then my dear reader, it’s time to “slow your roll”! I know dating is rough, so below I have listed some ginormous “red flags” that will help you navigate the love maze and diagnose whether your relationship has made the shift from tantalizing to toxic!
Red Flag #1: When you are in your time of need i.e. sick or “down and out” and your significant other (S.O.) isn’t the first person you think of to call
Red Flag #2: When you catch yourself day dreaming about your old college flame…AND SMILING!
Red Flag #3: A friend asks you to list the things you love about your S.O. and all you come up with is a blank stare.
Red Flag #4: You explain that a big event is coming up and you would love it if they were by your side and the response you receive is “God, you’re so needy”.
Red Flag #5: You can’t stand any of their friends— “birds of a feather…”
Red Flag #6: The only time you feel connected is in bed!
Red Flag #6.5: You and your S.O. converse like friends rather than partners, lots of small talk and little sharing of your hopes, dreams, and fears.
Red Flag #7: You stop feeling uplifted when you are around them.
Red Flag #8: They put you down in front your friends and family
Red Flag #9: You begin each sentence with an excuse for their behavior i.e. “S/he is usually…”
Red Flag #10: You’ve been out of town for a few days and when you get back…they are in no rush to see you!
Remember Samantha from SATC and her test for a good relationship? Either your face is in a smile (no wrinkles) or a frown (wrinkles). My tip—go with the relationship that causes minimal lines:) you are too fabulous to allow anyone to cause you constant misery…or worse WRINKLES!
Here’s a little Lauryn Hill to get you through…